Feb 26, 2018
Show Notes for Genuine Driven Women Episode #7
Welcome to the “Genuine Driven Women” podcast, the show where we guide women to reveal their strengths so they believe and can achieve their desired greatness!
This is Episode #7 and I am Tami along with my co-host, Adalida. On today’s show we are going to talk about Spirit Crushers you may encounter in your life.
I have personally witnessed a couple of instances in the last month where people in positions of authority are taking actions that are unnecessarily crushing people’s spirits.
The feeling when someone crushes your spirit is memorable and can be hard to push from your mind. We all want to be valued, listened to, and respected among our friends, at school, and within our workplaces.
Parents, teachers, co-workers, and supervisors at work (to name a few) are all capable of cutting us to the quick when they say something careless.
It is when you really bare your soul and share an idea for improvement, a dream, or sometimes simple optimism and they directly and intentionally respond in a negative way, that it can truly crush your spirit.
When you are struggling to find your place in this world, or when you know your purpose and are pushing hard to reach your full potential, spirit crushing moments have a way of setting you back or completely stopping progress toward your dream or goal.
We cannot control other people, but we CAN do two things: 1) We can make a decision to never crush anyone else’s spirit and 2) We can make a decision about how we will react to these moments.
Soul crushing people might be intentional, or they may just be careless in how they are interacting with you.
You might be able to put the moment into perspective if you know that they are not usually like this, or if you can decide that they are simply distracted or busy. Just because something hurts, does not mean it was intentional.
Sometimes people intentionally crush your dreams because they love you and believe they have your best interests at heart. This still does not make it right, but it might help you deal with it a little better.
Instances like this might be a parent that wants you to get an engineering or a pre-med degree rather than something else you believe is more perfect for you, simply because they think it will be easier for you to get a job in the future.
This is an example of them pushing their dream for you, and if your dream is different than theirs, this could lead to years of misery. You may get into your third year of college and realize this is not at all the career path you want to be on, or you may successfully graduate and start working in that career, and wake up five years into your career and realize you really hate your life.
Let’s talk about intentional Spirit crushing people. Well, let’s call them what they really are – bullies! According to overcomebullying.org, workplace bullies can be separated into the following types:
1. The Screaming MiMi - We've all seen (or "heard") the Screaming Mimi. They are loud, obnoxious and in your face. With their little faces turning beet red and their neck veins popping they will go on tirades, spew venom, humiliate you. They are right and you are wrong and you are going to hear about it.
2. The two-headed snake - This type of workplace bully is one of the most dangerous, because you may not realize you are dealing with a bully until after they have already destroyed your reputation.
To your face they may act like a friend; But they will slander your character and steal credit for your work while telling you they are your biggest fan.
3. The constant critic - This bully’s goal is to dismantle other people’s confidence through constant – and often unwarranted – criticism. A critic will look for any possible flaw in someone’s work and labors tirelessly to kill that person’s credibility.
** If you go to overcomebullying.org, you will find several other types of workplace bullies, but we just wanted to cover a few today.
If you are a leader, at any level, you should be careful about some behaviors you do, without thinking that tend to beat your team down. Here are somethings that leaders inadvertently do to crush people’s souls:
1. They are a control freak or a micromanager. You may think you are simply “detail oriented” or that your experience makes this practice ok, but what it really does is makes the team believe you do not trust them.
In many cases, they will start to think “what does it matter, he will just tell me exactly how I should do it anyway.” Right there – you killed their innovation, creativity, and probably their motivation. If this continues, you may cause high turnover on your teams.
2. They treat people they lead like they are not valuable, like they are literally worth less than the leader. If you treat your team like they are your servants, rather than amazing people who are learning and growing, or if you forget they are major enablers to the overall success of the team, they will find somewhere else to work. No one on this planet wants to be treated like a second-class citizen. Especially YOUR own team.
3. They use a heavy-handed approach to decision making. This is a “My way or the high-way” kind of leadership. This is very archaic, very old-school type thinking. If the leader just declares that they are right and makes every decision, this will majorly shut down a team. Any innovation, process improvement, or other improvement will be lost. Nothing will change – and the team will probably begin to find ways to actively work against you.
4. They show favoritism. A leader who is very obvious about who their favorite people are in a workplace will definitely crush the spirit of many people in the work force. It is also possible they could hurt the spirit of the one who is the favorite, because if the entire workforce knows that one person is the boss’s favorite, they may all treat that one person poorly or exclude them from collaborative activities.
This entire situation is horrible for morale and will make the workplace very toxic. It is a better option to treat everyone has ethically and fairly as possible. If most people believe their contribution matters, the overall climate will be at a more positive level.
What can YOU do if you feel like someone is crushing your spirit, but they may not mean to hurt you?
In this case, the best thing really is to have an honest conversation with the other person and see if the behavior can be rectified.
Another option, if you feel it was not on purpose, is to forgive them and move on – especially if it was rare.
What can you do if you feel like you are the victim of a very intentional workplace bully?
1. Do not blame yourself, you never deserve to be treated so poorly.
2. Try not to over think it, and try not to think about it away from the workplace.
3. Get it documented some over and over. This includes any meeting where you report it, the times and details of the occurrences, and any formal grievances you may file. Make sure anything written is pure facts with no emotion.
4. Make sure if you are going to report the bully or if you are going to start documenting it, that it really is inappropriate behavior. If you are doing shoddy work, and your boss gives you fair, honest feedback – that is not necessarily bullying you.
5. Do not wait to report the problems if you believe a workplace bully is lurking throughout your organization.
Remember, you were put on this earth for a purpose and if you are a true genuine, driven, women - you are focused on doing the right thing and making the world a better place - for yourself and others. Do not allow others to crush your spirit - be strong! And… if you do encounter a true workplace bully, report them. You will not only help yourself, but many others as well!
In this segment each week we will give a few points about women that have accomplished a lot! We also will discuss a bit about what was happening to women during the time periods. Someone we think you would like to know more about is:
Inspirational Quote of the Week:
I’ve never had to unscrew another woman's light bulb to shine…
Genuine driven women read lots of books! We’ll make sure to recommend a book each week that will inspire you or help you on your journey to success!
This week’s book is:
Forged In Crisis
By Nancy Koehn
If you’d like to buy this book in any format, including audio books, click this link: http://amzn.to/2CIsPZj
I absolutely loved this book, and I know you will too! It is a story of five different historical figures who were normal people like you and I. The leadership insights covered in this book will be of interest to a wide range of listeners - including those in government, business, education, and the arts. Harvard Business School historian Nancy Koehn wrote Forged in Crisis and she puts the spotlight on five masters of crisis:
What each of these five very different figures have in common? Why do their extraordinary stories continue to amaze and inspire? In her book, Nancy Koehn answers those questions and offers remarkable examples by which to judge leaders in our own time.
She begins each of the book's five sections by showing her protagonist on the precipice of a great crisis: Shackleton marooned on an Antarctic ice floe; Lincoln on the verge of seeing the Union collapse; escaped slave Douglass facing possible capture; Bonhoeffer agonizing over how to counter absolute evil with faith; Carson racing against the cancer ravaging her body in a bid to save the planet. The narrative then reaches back to each person's childhood and shows the individual growing - step by step - into the person he or she will ultimately become. As we follow each leader's against-all-odds journey, we begin to glean an essential truth: Leaders are not born but made. In a book dense with epiphanies, the most galvanizing one may be that the power to lead courageously resides in each of us. Yes, this book is essential reading for a genuine driven woman. Again, You can click through to the show notes to buy the book: http://amzn.to/2CIsPZj
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Ok, ladies - its time to get out
there and be the best YOU that YOU can be!